Lunch is for wimps – and law firms?

I’m entering a new phase of life this month – no, I’m not getting a tattoo or joining the Royal Marines, I’m getting married (equally permanent, and just as dangerous). One thing that has consistently amazed me in organising this momentous occasion is how badly some companies out there treat potential customers. One of the more stupid and avoidable mistreatments has been the existence of a lunch break in which no one is available.

Mrs Rupert and I are getting hitched in Cornwall, where a fair number of my family come from. I cannot deny that we’ve found a lot of companies down there quite hopeless in terms of how long it takes to reply to enquiries, replying at all, or being there at any time after replying. Maybe this would have happened if we’d been aiming to do this in Scarborough or Surrey, but I doubt it.

One thing that has really infuriated me is the lunch break. A coach firm I contacted works from 9am to 12pm, then from 1pm to 4.30pm. I would kill for those hours. So would everyone I know. Their answerphone goes on at 12pm precisely, not a second later. You just know that no one’s doing any work for at least five minutes before and after that time, either. The reason I bring this up is that I often get exactly this problem when trying to get hold of law firms.

Law firms that don’t work lunchtimes are a bit like banks that shut at 3.30pm and lend responsibly – a product of a bygone age. If your law firm shuts up shop at lunch there can only be two possible legitimate reasons: one, it’s just you and you need to eat sometime; two, it’s Christmas.

When do you think most people get time to call people like you, within office hours? Or to come and see you? Chances are you shut at 5pm, too. Maybe it’s even earlier. Bit of golf, perhaps. It doesn’t matter why, because you are running your firm like a West Country tin-pot taxi company. And that’s not going to impress anyone who is used to being able to actually do things at lunchtime.

So do me a favour – get someone to cover lunch. That’s all. It’s not hard. Do it for me and my sanity, and maybe you’ll get a couple more clients. That should make waiting till 1.30pm for your sandwich a little easier to swallow.