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"David, can I have proof of ownership of that £5m property I just bought through you? The sellers have told me they have heard nothing about completion."

"I'm afraid there's some bad news there, Philip, their solicitor has cleared off with the purchase money and they haven't signed anything".

"What! Well we shall just have to sue their insurers."

"But that's the problem, they are insured with Enterprise (with a capital 'E')".

"Oh, is that that company I have just read about which has gone into administration?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it is"

"Well then we shall have to claim off the HMG compensation scheme".

"There's further bad news there too. Enterprise is based in Gibraltar and so outside our jurisdiction...and compensation scheme".

"Never mind, we shall have to sue his partners".

"More bad news, I'm afraid. It seems he was an alcoholic and has disappeared with a load of clients's money. They cannot meet all the claims and are off down Job Centre Plus".

"But you will have made enquiries, Mr Crawford, about their insurance position before handing over £5m and accepting their undertaking".

"Ehm, we don't tend to do that, Mr Green."

"Well I shall sue you for negligence, breach of contract and breach of trust and that will teach you lot to start doing so. And you're insured anyway, aren't you"

"Yes, Mr Green, or rather we were. Our insurers are, or rather were, Enterprise..."

"Well in that case you'll have to cough up, won't you Mr Crawford. You've been charging me enough over the years and you have a nice house in Surrey".

"But I'll be broke and my wife will leave me".

"Well in that case I'll be doing you a favour then, won't I?"