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Claimant - I've been badly injured in an accident. How much compensation will I get and when?

Solicitor - That depends. There's some evidence you were driving like a loony so the defendant might argue the accident was your fault. If the court agrees with him, you'll get nothing or we might need to do a deal where you get x% of whatever your claim is worth. What it's worth depends on what you can prove you've lost and what money you need to put you as near as possible in the position you were in before. How long it will take depends on how long it takes to get all your evidence together and for the defendant to get his evidence together and for the court to have time to hear it.

Claimant - You're cr@p. I want to complain.