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I'm ready to open my flat for Thursday afternoon brain surgery sessions. I hold no medical qualifications, but I have read a couple of books and I've got one or two ideas of my own.

Transparency dictates that I set out my charges as follows:

Excision of tumour - £60.
Excision of tumour under anaesthetic (Gordon's or Beefeater; private patients may have Hendrick's) - £100.
Coiling of aneurysm - £150.
Coining of aneurysm if customer brings own needle and thread - £130.

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