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"It should not be either the job or a family"

but the reality is that, if the job is a demanding one, then the choice has to be made. it is only in the last 30 years or so that it has become common for both parents to work - and for good reason. that is not to say that it should be the female whose career suffers, but denying the obvious only creates problems. my wife and I both work, but we have both made deliberate choices to take less time consuming (and well paid) jobs whilst our children are young.