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Why not go the whole way? Police and other criminal enforcers are clearly always right. Magistrates' Courts, Crown Courts and all criminal appeal courts will no longer be necessary. All that needs to be done is to determine the sentence. Here lies an opportunity for the government to make a bit on the side in order to fund tax reductions to destitute bankers and its other cronies down to the last obscene few million. The government could franchise a "text a verdict" at, say, £1 a go similar to that on Strictly Come Dancing. As for civil disputes, these could be settled by a good old-fashioned boxing bout. Tickets could be sold with the proceeds going to a Ministerial Christmas Piss-up Entertainment fund (otherwise known as MinCePiE).