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In answer to 17.49 I can say that it is perfectly obviously genuine if everyone in the hotel is laid low with food poisoning at the same time. However, such incidents will be few and far between. The claims farmers will be encouraging Darren to believe that his 48 hours of everything leaving him by every orifice was to do with the seafood paella, and not the vodka shots drinking competition and the tablets of dubious provenance ingested during a 24 hour session in Malia.

As he lies recovering to the extent that he is worrying whether the object in his left knee is a bottle cap or broken syringe, his mood will be lifted by a series of text messages telling him that £5.850 is sitting there waiting for him to claim.

And, please, please, please, can we have no earnest solicitors with strange glasses telling everyone that they are fighting the good fight for the deeply wronged, while the insurance companies are handing over the CCTV footage to the tabloids.