Romancing the law

Victoria MacCallum looks at the hurdles faced by solicitors in finding love and the subsequent problems that they have to overcome when dating a colleague from the same law firm.

As everyone's mother always told them, love finds you when you least expect it.

The urban myths - couples who meet in a stuck lift, who order the same sandwich at the same shop every day, who both run for the one taxi - all seem to bear witness to this.But what of lawyers - human office-moles whose long hours and devotion to career advancement often make it difficult to meet non-legal 'civilians' - who often end up spending more time with clients and colleagues than friends?'Lawyers' long, anti-social hours are a problem when it comes to meeting people,' says Alun Jenkins, owner of London dating agency, the Executive Club of St James.

'For high-earning and high-achieving female partners, the problem is almost worse - they need someone whom they can respect, and who is their equal in terms of salary and career achievements.'One solution for the lovelorn legal professional is to join one of the country's many high-class dating agencies for professionals - Mr Jenkins has 'a large amount' of solicitors and barristers on his books.

For those who cannot face the social stigma of a singles night, the workplace can offer romance.'Law is very incestuous,' says Joanne Street, a senior consultant in the private practice division of legal recruiters Hays ZMB.

'An enormous amount of lawyers end up going out with other lawyers, often in the same firm.'She says the reasons are obvious.

'Law is a pressurised profession, and having a partner who understands the needs of the job, and the late nights and deadlines, is vital.'Obviously, not all lawyers want to go home and discuss the intricacies of a corporate restructuring deal over a chicken korma, but shared interests are vital for a successful relationship.'You have to understand your partner, know what is making them tense, and be able to offer practical advice,' says Paula Hall, a relationship counsellor with Relate.'I'm not saying that it could never work, but a relationship between, say, a senior partner at a big City firm and a plumber would certainly create a few hurdles.'Shared interests aside, the reasons for beginning workplace romances are often more practical.

'Many law firm romances begin at the trainee stages,' explains Ms Street.

'If you throw together a group of similarly minded young people in a close environment, it's inevitable that relationships will start - look at undergraduates.'That certainly seemed to be the case for an assistant at a top-five City firm, who prefers not to be named.

She met her current boyfriend, an assistant at the same firm, when both began training four years ago.'Because the firm is so large, they spent an enormous amount of money organising a "freshers' week" of activities for all the trainees, to welcome us to the firm and ease us in gently,' she says.

'As happens in a traditional freshers' week, a number of relationships began, and at the time no one thought much of it.

As everyone was still in a law college mindset and it didn't feel like we had properly begun work, no one ever thought it would be a problem.'However, things changed six months later when she was called into her supervising partner's office.

'She asked me straight out if I was having a relationship with someone in the office, and when I said yes, she made it clear that it was something that had to be "kept under control".'Quite what 'kept under control' meant was never made clear, but the implication was that personal relationships should not be brought into the office.'Both my boyfriend and I were working in the same department at the time - corporate - which is probably why she thought a problem could develop, if we fell out or broke up,' she said.Soon after that conversation, her boyfriend changed departments, and since then they have gone to great pains to keep the knowledge of their relationship a secret.

'It's hard enough to be a woman in some of these corporate deal environments, but if everyone also knows details about your private life, you feel that you've lost some of your professional image,' she says.The problem of relationship break-ups spilling over into the office and creating a poisonous atmosphere for all involved is the main problem with office romances, and the reason why many firms are loath to encourage - or even permit - those relationships.Last year, a number of Californian firms hit the headlines for making potential employees sign a pledge that they would not enter into workplace romances - something firms in this country, at least on the surface, claim they would never do.Robert Halton, head of human resources at City firm DLA, says it is a 'very difficult' area in which to introduce regulations.

'Obviously people do meet people in the office, and obviously they need to be mindful of the potential consequences of relationship break-ups,' he says.

'But when it comes down to it, you can't tell people how to live their lives, and people have to make their own mistakes.'His counterpart at smaller City firm Kingsley Napley, Sara Wood, agrees.

'We have no formal policy on the matter - I'm sure it could become awkward if relationships break up, but we've never really had a problem and we trust people to be mature about it.'So the official line seems to be that all's fair in love and work, but behind the scenes the story differs.'Many firms have an unofficial agreement that they can never have a married couple in the partnership at the same time, the assumption being that they will tend to be biased on partnership votes,' says Hays ZMB's Ms Street.'So when one half of a couple gets made up, it usually means that the other has little chance of promotion and tends to start looking around.'Resentment of one partner gaining promotion is, therefore, a problem high-flying legal lovebirds have to cope with.

'Professional jealousy or competitiveness can ruin a relationship,' says Paula Hall.'Equality is also vital, which can be a problem in partner/assistant relations.

It's also important to keep a sense of yourself as a couple outside the workplace boundaries - you are not just lawyers who work together, you are a couple.'So, maintaining a successful and happy relationship with a colleague seems all but impossible, the holy grail of dating.

However, all hope is not lost - as Christine Gillham, an assistant at Eversheds' Norwich office, can testify.

She met her husband Christopher while both worked in the property department at City firm Gouldens, and 29 years and four children later, they are still happily married.

Until he retired last year, the couple still worked down the corridor from each other in the same office in Norwich.The only problems she had experienced from employers was when her husband moved firms.

'We had moved house and were both looking for jobs,' she said.

'When my husband was offered a job and they discovered that I was also a lawyer, the firm said they didn't want me working for a rival firm in the same city.'Other than the ability to compromise in such situations - she worked in-house for two years before starting a family - the key to living and working together, according to Christine, is simply 'to get on with each other very well'.That and, of course, the ability to cope with the slings and arrows of office innuendo and humourous wedding speeches from former mutual colleagues.