Criminal defence lawyers need to be resilient but even the very toughest must sometimes admit defeat – often because of their client.

Obiter was recently told of a defendant who, some years ago now, was sitting in the dock of a magistrates’ court after a night in the cells which left the man less than ideally suited for an appearance before their worships.

His presentation was, understandably, somewhat dishevelled but it was his attire – a jumper bearing an ‘arty’ picture of a naked woman – which irked the chair of the bench, who told the defendant to remove it.

Alas, what lurked below was not much better: a black t-shirt emblazoned ‘Keep calm and pleasure yourself’ (we paraphrase). This helped neither the hapless defendant’s cause nor the magistrate’s ever-increasing blood pressure.

The defendant was then directed to remove his shirt, turn it inside out and wear it back to front. That left him looking like a vicar as lawyers and court staff stifled giggles, according to Obiter’s anonymous source.

The best the defence could muster was that ‘he did not realise he was going to be in court today when he went out last night’ and a custodial sentence followed.

As the old saying goes, the job would be easy if it were not for the clients. Do any of our readers have more stories of self-sabotage? Do let us know.

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