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I may be able to assist our American cousins should they find themselves practicing in our capital. Firstly, on a point of geography, I hope that I can help them to save some time. You will be working in London, rather than London, England.

As regards the swift one after work, you would do well to be mindful of a key linguistic and, apparently, cultural difference when speaking to bar staff. In this country, we pay our bar staff to listen to the customer's order and then provide them with the drink they have chosen. In cognisance of this fact, American (and British) patrons should say 'May I have a...', or even 'Can I have a...', rather than 'Can I get a...'. You cannot get a... ; for one thing, you will not be allowed to go behind the bar.

Beyond this, I would advise any visiting American to pay close attention to the spelling of words, and then pause to consider that what you think they know about pronunciation is probably wrong. For example, when the word 'Worcestshire' is followed by the word 'sauce', the word 'Worcestershire' has two syllables, not five. This works both ways. The letter 'h' in 'herb' is not, and has never been silent.

When you encounter the word 'resume', it will mean 'to start again; to pick up where one left off'. It will not mean 'written account of academic and professional experience.' To convey the latter, use 'curriculum vitae'. I appreciate that your struggles with the mother tongue have not been characterised by universal success, and that you may therefore find Latin a bridge too far. 'CV' may be used in the alternative.

It is probably apposite at this point to turn to bottoms. What you think is a 'fanny' is not a 'fanny', it is an 'arse'. It is never an 'ass', which is something completely different. Another, similar trap for the unwary derives from the word 'fag', which in this country means a cigarette. This, if during the swift one after work, your interlocutor informs you that they are going outside to smoke a fag, there is no requirement on your part either to:

a) report the matter to the police;
b) report the matter to the Equalities Commission; or
c) shoot your interlocutor in the face.

I shall leave it here for now, though with no little regret that I have not been able to deal with the question of cricket. Dribbles down the leg side will, alas, have to wait for another day.

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