The Gazette caught it in the neck recently for describing conveyancing as ‘prosaic’.

Suitably contrite, we issued a challenge to solicitors of a poetic bent to disprove that provocative description in verse. Martin Smith of Boreham­wood has duly obliged:

The Poor Conveyancer

Alas, the poor conveyancer, Universally reviled His PI premium escalates, It’s ages since he smiled

His erstwhile foe the litigator, Can’t resist a smirk As Tesco, Halifax and AA Queue up to nick his work He labours long and tirelessly For fees almost archaic And all the Law Gazette does Is call his job ‘prosaic’

Conveyancing Winter’s coming soon We’re left out in the cold The high street practice doomed to die Its death knell has been tolled

But just when all seems doom and gloom And not much else to talk about The banks are back in trouble again Ten million’s just gone walkabout

Their cut price schemes are put on hold ‘We’ll leave it for a while’ And then before you know it Conveyancing’s back in style The phones begin to ring again House prices start to rise The high street practice reappears Before your very eyes

Don’t denigrate conveyancers They’re jolly useful chaps They guide you through the jungle Avoiding all the traps

So when you’ve got a house to sell Or a pied-à-terre to let You might just need our expertise Don’t write us off just yet!

We won’t Martin. A bit dodgy on the scansion here and there but, all in all, a game effort and you certainly rose to the challenge. You can keep your Pam Ayres...