All the other bloggers are revealing their true identities, so why shouldn’t I?
Here goes: I only pretend to be a journalist working on the Gazette. All that stuff I write about employment law and personal injury and mental health and lawyers in local government. It’s not the real me.
So why hide behind the innuendo-laden nom de plume Jonathan Rayner? Because my sainted mother would be shocked and ashamed if it was revealed to a harsh and judgmental world that I was the person behind, to name one of my raunchier blogs, the one about reforming the House of Lords. Or heaven forbid, that passionate condemnation of capital punishment in China.
The truth is, and it’s a relief to be able to come out and say this, I’m just a normal, common or garden sex obsessive. Some people know me as the Boy with a One-Track Mind. To others, I’m Le Petit Anglais. While in Peckham I’m simply Del de Jour.
The more cynical among you will have guessed by now that there’s a book deal in the offing. My publicist said that outing my identity will increase sales and so, reluctantly, I’ve agreed to prostitute my art in the pursuit of lucre.
He has a point. Plawsible Lies – The Collected Blogs of Jonathan Rayner will sell like hot cakes now people know the mundane truth behind their authorship. There’s a price to pay, of course. There will be snooping journalists trying to catch me reading an employment tribunal judgment. Others will interview ‘close friends’ about my dealings with the Sole Practitioners Group. Still more will speculate about my interest in diversity.
But what I fervently hope is that nobody catches on that my blogs are just products of my imagination. I’m just a normal guy who can fantasise with the best of them.
Or are you so gullible as to believe I really work in a newsroom on Chancery Lane?