I was glad to see your recent articles raising awareness of alcoholism. I should like spouses and other family members of alcoholics to know that their plight is recognised too. Family members have needs that are separate and distinct from those of the alcoholic. They need advice and support while the spouse is a heavy drinker, as well as later when the diagnosis of alcoholism is accepted. Al-Anon is the organisation to turn to for information, guidance and reassurance. Friends are only worth confiding in if they have direct personal experience of living with alcoholics. Otherwise the desire of friends for everything to be all right will feel like a dismissal of the family's anxieties. Outsiders think that alcoholism is no more than drunkenness, whereas drunkenness is the least of the troubles.


Family members must allow the alcoholic to fight his own battles. The family have a separate journey to make, coping with changed circumstances and the alcoholic's depression, deceit, self-degradation and other unwelcome traits.



To the worried spouse of a problem drinker, I would say: look after yourself and the children. In the long run that is the best help for the drinker.



Caroline Grace, Grace & Co, London