Cedric Scroggitt, senior partner of Scroggitt & Co solicitors, paused in his task of counting the packets of pork scratchings to ask: 'The barley wines are past their "drink-by" date.

How do we value them?'After some 30 years in the law, it had come to this .

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valuing the wet and dry stock for the Pink Pig public house.

The rot had set in when Arthur Andersen had formed an association with Garrett & Co.

Now things had gone much further with every firm of accountants owning its own firm of solicitors.The approach from Lucre & Moore chartered accountants had come at a vulnerable moment for Scroggitt & Co.

'We missed seeing you in Klosters last month,' said James Lucre, flashing a smile which revealed teeth enhanced by a dentist even Martin Amis could not afford.

'I've been too busy to go on holiday,' replied Cedric, sliding a brochure on camping holidays in Middlesborough under a letter from Access demanding that he return his card immediately.'How's business then?' asked James, flicking back the cuffs of his Turnbull & Asser shirt so that Cedric had a better view of his Rolex.'Couldn't be better,' continued Cedric gamely, recalling that last ghastly interview with the bank manager.

'In fact, I had to get rid of that antique desk of mine that I inherited from my grandfather and replace it with this much larger one.' As he spoke the bottom drawer of the self-assembly desk fell out, cascading letters from creditors, writs and summonses over James' feet.Cedric broke down.

'I can't help it.

It's the conveyancing at £50 a throw and never being paid by the Legal Aid Board.

I'm working 100 hours a week and still not making a living.

We're at rock bottom.

My wife's shopping at Aldi and the milkman demands money in advance.

Last week I was turned down for a loan with Practical Credit.''Why don't you form an association with us?' asked James.

'We could fix you up with commercial work that pays properly.' 'Thank you, thank you.

I've just got one question.''What's that?''Can you lend me £20 till the end of the week?'Of course, it was not so much a merger as a takeover and, once Cedric had got over the euphoria of feeding his family regularly and being able to speak to his bank manager without feeling faint, he began to have doubts.

Half the problem was the nature of the work.

While Cedric had no objection in principle to being seconded to Littleton Garages Ltd he resented having to act as petrol pump attendant.

Then there was the matter of the drinks party that Lucre & Moore held for their clients.

He was surprised to be told that it was a black tie affair but dutifully dressed up, only to find that everyone else was wearing lounge suits and he was expected to pass the drinks around.Cedric's wife's thrill at being invited to James's house turned to disappointment when she was given a duster and told to clean the house.

'It took ages to do the gold plated musical bidet and James' complete set of chest medallions,' she complained to her husband.Still there were consolations, thought Cedric, as he helped himself to another half of Old Skull Attack bitter from the pump at the Pink Pig.'Out of date barley wines? Have a word with the landlord and see what he wants to make by way of profit and put the barley wines in at whatever figure suits.' It was nice to feel that he was learning something after all those years practising the law.