Carve it like Calvert

England fans still traumatised by David Beckham's broken bone can sleep easier knowing that David 'The Enforcer' Calvert-Smith QC is on hand to step into the breach.

The director of public prosecutions is a life-long Middlesbrough fan, and recently had the not inconsiderable thrill (for him, at least) of attending a lunch organised by the Crown Prosecution Service's Cleveland area at the club's Riverside Stadium.

He enjoyed a tour of the stadium and was then presented with a Boro shirt (the number signifies that he is the fourth director to hold the post since the CPS was created).

'At the end of the day, a trial's a game of two halves,' he is not reported to have said.

'When we don't score in court, I feel sick as a parrot, but it only takes a second to score a conviction and then we all feel over the moon.'