The inaugural meeting of the Littelton Solicitors Association took place at Bill's house.

It was agreed by all present that we had nothing to hide and there was nothing secret about the meeting.

Fred asked whether we could now remove our masks and after a short debate it was decided that it was safe to do so.Lest anyone assume that the purpose of the meeting was to fix conveyancing prices locally, it was agreed that, if anyone asked, we were to say that we had met to arrange a cricket fixture.

Mike mentioned that his firm had an extensive criminal practice and that certain clients could arrange alibis if necessary.

Bill pointed out that it would hardly help us for Mike's clients to say that we were assisting in a burglary at the time of the meeting.Phillip sought Mike's advice as to whether he had committed a criminal offence in coming to the house by climbing over the next door neighbour's fence and, in doing so, breaking their cold frame.

Mike said it depended on whether he got caught or not.

Bill told Phillip to bandage his leg and stop leaking evidence on the rug as he could not afford another one.Everyone present stated how committed they were to the free market and unbridled competition in conveyancing services.

Simon pointed out how unsatisfactory it had been in the old days of scale fees when people like his father had enjoyed lavish lifestyles.Simon said that the new world of cut-throat competition brought its own satisfactions and announced that the licensed conveyancer from Grit Street had been made bankrupt that morning and was having his house repossessed.

He predicted that it would be rumoured the following day that substantial amounts of client money were missing.

He pointed out that those present would be failing in their duty if they did not tell everyone the rumour.Bill said that he had been looking at the pictures in his son's GCSE economics textbook and it seemed clear that the free market functioned best if the providers acted together to eliminate waste.

He gave the example of the amount of time spent in giving quotes to clients who never came back a nyway.

If everyone gave the same quote, such as £750 plus 0.5%, the market would be more efficient.Clive said that this was morally wrong because there were still some clients who could be charged even more.

Bill said that he had in mind a minimum quote, not a maximum figure, and Clive withdrew his moral objection.

Linda asked if the free market would function more efficiently with a minimum level set at £1000 plus 1%.This sparked off a lively debate but the consensus was that if the market was too efficient, the director-general of fair trading might be tempted to intervene as he had done in the cement industry.Simon asked how we could guarantee that everyone would charge the same, as some of those present were not only knee-jerk undercutters, they were also completely untrustworthy.

Robert angrily denied this and said that he had merely responded to Simon's advertising £49.99 fixed price conveyancing.

Simon said that at least he did not apply a mark-up to the stamp duty, unlike some present.Clive said that a blood oath would be best and could be done on Phillip's leg, which was still bleeding.

Mike warned that this could implicate everyone in breaking the neighbour's cold frame and advised us to say nothing if we were arrested.It was decided that we would hold another meeting next week and we departed individually at ten-minute intervals, by crawling through the shrubbery.

Jane said she felt like a commando but Mike pointed out that she was unlikely to find one at this time of night and might as well go home.