Not so many weeks ago, newspaper readers were kept entertained by the saga of a divorcing couple battling it out over custody of a train set.The sub-text of the stories was not only how appallingly people can behave, but also how outrageous it is that they are allowed to carry on like this by their lawyers.

What a waste of everyone's time and money was the underlying message.Few battles following family breakdown make it into the media, but the attitude of mind displayed by this couple is far from unusual.One divorce lawyer tells of a woman wanting to sue her soon-to-be-ex-husband for the return of a car seat cover - needless to say, she could not drive.

Another recounts the case of dog-owning spouses feuding not over custody of the animal itself (which would be, perhaps, understandable), but over who should have a photograph of him, in which, presumably, he looked particularly fetching.If newly elected chair of the Solicitors Family Law Association Nigel Shepherd has his way, couples like these will find it increasingly difficult to find solicitors prepared to support them in such actions.

'The combative family lawyer ought to die out - and, I think, is dying out,' he said.The SFLA was formed in 1982 and now has 3500 members.

Its objective is to deal with divorce in a sensitive and constructive way, so reducing the emotional and financial cost of family breakdown.

Very often this will involve trying to talk clients out of unnecessary litigation - which makes its members very unlike the media's popular image of solicitors as turning a minor dispute into all-out war, given the opportunity.Mr Shepherd, head of Manchester-based Lace Mawer's matrimonial department, admits that dissuading the really bitter or the really determined from going into battle is not always easy.

'Normally, that is the attitude people come in with, but they do not leave the office with it - if you are doing your job properly.'Once it is explained that aggression is only likely to add to the costs - which means less left in the pot for everyone - and will not (or should not) affect the outcome of the settlement, people usually lose their bloodlust, he says.Taking a conciliatory approach to something as already traumatic as family breakdown seems so obvious that it is difficult to appreciate how forward-looking SFLA was when it was set up.

Mr Shepherd says: 'It was radical in 1982.

In those days, people treated matrimonial as another branch of litigation.'Mr Shepherd insists that the fact that family law is now widely recognised as a specialism in its own right, which requires a gentle approach, is in large part down to the success of SFLA.

'I think the association can take credit for a fair amount of the change in the legal profession and the overall awareness of the consequences of family breakdown.' This change is now given wider currency, such as in the attitude of the judiciary and in legislation like the Children Act, he says.Nevertheless, some old attitudes towards family work die hard.

It has, traditionally, been perceived as an area more suitable for women solicitors.

Mr Shepherd doubts whether this was ever the reality, but it was - and in some cases still is - the perception, as he knows from his own experience.'A trainee at my own firm did not want to join my department because she thought she was only being sent there because she was a woman.

I hope to put her right on that!' said Mr Shepherd.He expects that this type of misconception will disappear as attitudes towards the work change.

'People are increasingly recognising it as an area of work that is extremely complex and fulfilling - and vocational.

Those that do it and do it well cannot see themselves doing anything else.

Those that do not enjoy it, do not do it well.'Being a good family lawyer is more than just knowing your family law, he stresses.'You are not just dealing with the legal aspects but the overall aspects of a person's life.

You are dealing with people who are emotional and often quite irrational.

You will be seeing people who are anything from manic, to distressed, to needing a lot of support, to those who seem to be coping well and are fine.'Mr Shepherd denies that the logical conclusion of the approach promulgated by SFLA - avoiding litigation where possible and encouraging agreement - is that its members will eventually be out of a job.

However much conciliation is encouraged, solicitors will always have an essential role in the process - although it may well be a different one from that which they have now.Nor, he insists, is he downhearted by the Lord Chancellor's plans to cash limit legal aid, to which he is firmly opposed.

Although, he adds: 'To be honest, the threats to the profession of family lawyer are probably greater now than ever before.

I do not think I am being alarmist.'He hopes such threats can be headed off.

SFLA lawyers have a positive message to put across both to the public and to the legislators, he believes.

One of Mr Shepherd's aims during his two years in the chair is to ensure the association has access to adv ice from a professional lobbyist.

The group is currently consulting its members on this issue.Whatever happens, he says, there will always be a legal framework to marriage breakdown, which means work in some form for lawyers.

SFLA members are likely to be in the best position to adapt to whatever changes come along.

'I am an optimist,' said Mr Shepherd.