Latest Archer drama enters its first lacklustre chapter

The combination of the full majesty of the law and the full majesty of novelist Lord Archer proved an irresistible draw for the papers last week as his trial for perjury and perverting the course of justice began.'Most of the [first] day was taken up with legal argy-bargy between counsel and the judge, almost all of it "in camera", as they say,' wrote unimpressed Times sketchwriter Matthew Parris (31 May) on the front page.

'It might be possible to explain what the arguments were about, but as a new millennium begins, it becomes increasingly clear that what the legal profession needs is not explanation but a stick of dynamite up its obiter dicta.'With nothing better to do, Mr Parris cast his acerbic eye over the lawyers, who he described as sitting there 'like so many ticking taxi-meters, clocking up the bucks'.'The case for the prosecution was begun, in the habitual manner of British law courts, in a sort of Gilbert and Sullivan stage-villain "Mr Nasty" voice, full of courtesies - "if you will forgive me", "if I may ask you to register in your minds" - that is so elaborate as to be almost mocking, as well as calculated, one almost supposes, to impress fellow lawyers.'His final observation was of an attendant carrying in a bundle of papers plus an envelope to one of the lawyers.

'She opened the envelope and took a little peek.

It contained a cheque.

She slipped it quickly into her bag.'For The Daily Telegraph, it was the 'gripping' prosecution case, rather than the setting, which held the attention.

'A court in real life lacks the drama of theatre: the pace is slower, the diction laden with references to page numbers and bundles.

"Suffice it to say," said [David Walters QC, prosecuting], "that an affidavit is a formal sworn document." One reporter briefly fell asleep.

Yawns spread around the room.'This all gave weight to news the same day of the link-up between the College of Law and Royal Academy for Dramatic Art.

'Lawyers are supposed to know all about the theatre of the courtroom and the drama of advocacy,' the Times said, clearly uninfluenced by Matthew Parris's opinion a few pages earlier, 'but when it comes to handling the media, making a public presentation or even just talking to clients, their talents are apparently lacking.'The Bar, predictably, was rather sniffy about the project.

BruceHoulder QC told the paper: 'Become a barrister and you'll get all thetraining you require.

You may need the tights, but you won't need the greasepaint.'At least one group of people aspiring to be like barristers are doctors.

Both The Times and Telegraph reported on a British Medical Association discussion paper which suggested that hospital consultants could in future organise themselves as barristers do, forming chambers that would bid for private or NHS work (1 June).

Becoming independent contractors would help them escape from NHS bureaucracy and restore their self-esteem, the papers said.However, Dr Peter Hawker, who put forward the paper, surely spoke for doctors and lawyers alike when he warned that 'it would be a mistake for consultants to assume that the grass in chambers would necessarily be greener' - whatever the advantages for one's voice projection, presumably.Neil Rose