STAND AND DELIVER

Lord Justice Otton opened his speech to an ABA session last week by recalling the words of a delegate he heard at a recent conference in Paris: 'No one should speak for longer than they are capable of having sex.' The Parisian continued to speak for 45 minutes, said Lord Justice Otton, but was heckled for being boastful by fellow delegates.

After the speech, the judge, who was sitting next to the vigorous speaker's wife, asked whether her husband was honest.

'I 'ave never 'eard so much nonsense in my life,' she reportedly replied.

Lord Justice Otton's speech, for the record, lasted approximately 20 minutes.