Volley of wit

At least one solicitor up north is wasted in the profession, Obiter discovered last week.

Over lunch hosted by Liverpool-based firm Weightmans at a lavish veterans' tennis tournament, attendees were asked to provide a picture caption for a photograph where a collection of elderly tennis stars sat head-in-hands or sides splitting with laughter.

Quick as a flash, the cheeky Scouser in one of the host partners leapt to life, suggesting: 'I don't know why we're laughing - it's no fun playing tennis wearing a colostomy bag.' But that was not the end of it; Obiter also understands this chap's strong passions for Everton FC preclude the use of red in any logos and marketing materials, it being the colour of reviled city rivals Liverpool.

However, keen to show that his passion for Everton was still the right side of normal, he claims to have an acquaintance who refuses even to allow tomatoes in the house.