It’s been a tough day at work. The phone has been ringing off the hook, you’ve just hung up on your number-one client mid-sentence, and your new e-billing system has just exploded. A colleague suggests a quick drink to unwind before going home. Stop! Do you have children? Are you likely to get divorced in the next year? Think hair not hedonism!

I know what you’re thinking: Obiter has finally lost the plot entirely. But no, your trusty diarist is merely passing on a warning from hair testing laboratory Trimega Laboratories. Apparently 5,000 ‘hair alcohol tests’ are carried out on parents every year, normally at the request of divorce lawyers or the family courts. The tests reveal how much alcohol has been consumed in the past year and could be used as evidence in custody battles when a relationship turns sour. Trimega’s managing director Avi Lasarow warns: ‘It may be tempting to overindulge, particularly if your social life is benefiting from being on the singles market for the first time in years. However, you cannot conceal your behaviour from one of the tests and so – whether it’s drink or drugs – think "hair" before "hedonism" if there are children involved.’ Thanks for the warning, Avi.

Just a parting (geddit?) shot for any baldies out there – don’t think you’re exempt. For anyone who is too follically challenged to provide a sample of head hair, apparently body hair can also be tested. Let’s not dwell on that one.