Sick as a parrot Des. We was robbed! So wailed tearful money laundering supremo (sic) Omar ‘pimp my manager’ Choudhury (below right) coach of the Law Society Academicals, following Chancery Lane’s (close) season-opener against City slickers White & Case.

Lining up at the theatre of (bad) dreams (aka the John Orwell Centre, Wapping), the lads were confident. And then the game started. As Gazette production chief Ian Clark (back row, third left) lamented – when the gaffer started to talk tactics, it became painfully clear many thought he was talking about peppermint breath fresheners. Fight & Chase, who’ve even got their own kit (how much do they charge?), were on the back foot for all of three minutes in the opening period. It was only their superior skill, fitness and application that prevented the Society going in at the break at least four goals to the good. As it was, a mere two-goal deficit was testament to publishing chief Stephen Honey’s (bottom right) sterling performance at the (slightly dicky) heart of defence. His nickname, ‘the judge’ – always on the bench or at the bar – is a vile calumny, we can confirm today.

The closing stages were played out at a steadily diminishing tempo in the Docklands gloamin’ (Hugh McIlvanney, eat your heart out). But they saw a spirited rally from the Society, with two late goals – including a last-gasp 30-yard thunderbolt from Obiter himself (editor’s note: it was nearer 40 yards). White & Case had added to their lead in the interim, but luckily the cunning Choudhury had shouted ‘next goal wins’ just before the onion bag rippled. Sweet victory!