Own goals: Teacher Stern caught it in the neck from Times legal diarist Edward Fennell for the unfortunate timing of its rebranding party at the Royal Academy. The firm chose the night of the Champions League semi-final between Chelsea and Liverpool, when every legal pinstripe in London had his attention diverted by a big screen. Whoops.


Ah, but that's nothing. City firm Lovells has gone one better, scheduling its annual media thrash for May 21 - the night of the final.



Unless you've been living in a box for the last fortnight, you'll know that the climax of what they used to call the European Cup will feature two English (sic) teams for the first time. That's the English team owned by the Russian billionaire versus the English team owned by the American billionaire.



All is not lost, however, because Lovells is laying on giant TVs for the occasion. And plenty of alcohol too, one hopes, lest - for the second time this month - we must endure the sight of a puce-faced Sir Alex Ferguson cavorting down the touchline in triumphal glee.