Do you want to know a secret? Astonishing news has reached us that John Lennon is alive and litigating in Maidenhead. According to a press release from Colemans, Mr Lennon, a new recruit for the firm, has been practising across the south-east for some 25 years or so, which almost ties in with his alleged death in 1981.


Despite assertions from the firm that he really isn't the former Beatle - backed up, it must be said, by the photographic evidence (above) - we choose to believe he may be. The thought led us to an entirely spurious search of the profession, where we found Paul McCartney, an associate partner at City firm Davies Arnold Cooper, George Harrison, former chairman of the Association of District Judges and, erm, Richard Starr (the closest we could get), a partner at Carter Lemon Camerons in London (while a Gazette staff member has a relative called Helena Rigby). What an event it would be if they could all come together, but should they, we would want to caution: 'Don't let me down'.



They could perform a string of songs that would hit home with City lawyers in particular, ranging from 'A hard day's night' to 'I'm so tired' via 'Eight days a week', 'Misery' and 'Yesterday [I billed 20 hours]'.



If one wished to take this line of serious journalism further, there are also the likes of Tom Jones and Keith Richards out there in the ranks, along with no fewer than 12 Robert (surely Robbie) Williamses, but there are only so many song puns the profession can take in one week, so 'Good night', this is 'The end'.