Obiter put out a request two weeks ago for amusing anecdotes about daft defendants – and it turns out there are plenty of them about.

Richard Hare, managing partner at McKinnells in Lincoln, recalls some choice examples. One burglar was quickly arrested after breaking into a petrol station. He had dropped and left at the scene a letter from Hare’s firm reminding him of his bail conditions. Oops. Another burglar from Boston in Lincolnshire broke into a jewellers, but stole only the vacuum cleaner. Either he wasn’t too bright, or he had a very mucky carpet. Then Hare recalls the two brothers who took a stolen car with false documents to an auction. Each, unknown to the other, bid to put up the price. They were the only two bidders and had to buy the car back. On the way home, they broke into an office and took a small safe into a local woods to open it. Two days of hammering and banging later, Hare recounts, and they had almost managed to get it open. Going back the next day to finish off, the safe had gone. Some other villain had swiped it from them, poor chaps.

But Hare points out that not all defendants are stupid. He recalls: ‘The police never caught the one who stole some business cards from a former senior partner and used one in the local off-licence to obtain a bottle of gin on credit.’

Defence solicitor David Johnston has another tale to add, though this one is not for the faint hearted. ‘I had the honour of representing a young man who committed a burglary while on bail for another crime,’ he says. ‘While leaving the scene of the crime, he was taken short in the playing fields behind the house. He used his bail sheet to clean himself up after the toilet stop and left the soiled sheet with the rest of his deposit. The police had a simple, if unhygienic, job of following his footprints, pulling the bail sheet out of the mess and solving the crime.’ Johnson adds: ‘Surprisingly, he was granted bail again for this burglary. The magistrate’s expression when he was handed his fresh bail sheet remains with me to this day.’