Legal aid solicitors might not anticipate living it up on a yacht in the south of France when they finally lay down their law books, according to the annual Gazette legal aid survey, but most can't wait to put on their slippers and potter around the garden. 'Roll on retirement!' was the call from most of the older members, although many were worried that potential successors were beckoned by the City, with the lure of fast cars and designer clothes - or even the possibility of getting a mortgage. However, Obiter fears that premature retirement - perhaps as part of a witness protection scheme - beckons for at least one of the angry respondents, who argued that if the Legal Services Commission (LSC) goes ahead with competitive tendering, it might as well 'go to the monkey house at [my local zoo] in pursuit of cheap excellence'. He added: 'Even though this survey is supposed to be confidential, I regard with some trepidation the prospect of the LSC finding out that I have even dared to think the above, let alone committed my thoughts to writing. Not only will I not be volunteering my name, but I will delete this document from my computer as soon as I have printed it.' Don't worry, Mr X - your secret is safe with us...