Mother in Law: A lot on my mind – time to share the load

I’ve been thinking a lot, recently, about how the ability of some of the people I work with to single-mindedly do one thing at a time benefits them and hinders the rest of us. By ‘some of the people I work with’, I mostly mean the ones who wear the chinos. It is more of an observation than an outright moan, because I don’t actually want to be single-minded. I don’t want to cancel my team members’ one-to-ones because I’m working on a big case. I want to respond to my compliance team’s emails in a timely manner. In an example from my personal life, I don’t want to push all the weekend running around on to my spouse because I’m slow-cooking something on the barbecue and need to watch it for 12 hours.  

The problem, though, when the burden of hundreds of small things is not shared equally, is that some of our brains are sharp and focused, and the rest of our brains are buckling under the weight of all these little things, and (in my case at least) predominantly feeling guilty when we aren’t quite managing to stay on top of it all.

Of course, there is a knock-on effect on chargeable time and billing. It is well established that, in moving between tasks, your brain lags as it leaves one zone to get itself into the next. Of course it does – we are often dealing with emotional clients with highly fact-sensitive cases involving complex legal points. All the while, in my case, texting Deceptively Angelic-Looking Child (DALC1) who seems to message me from the school toilets most days looking for reassurance that she’s ‘got this’. 

For half an hour while I was getting ready for work last week, I tried to make a list of some of the chatterings in my brain. This was almost impossible, because they are about as easy to catch as the fruit flies that had appeared in my kitchen that morning after the bananas went overripe. But here are a few things that bothered me:

• If I wash my hair today, that will mean the next time I wash it is Wednesday, but I need freshly washed hair for my meeting on Thursday.
• What if I am forgetting my memories of the kids being small?
• What if they decide to go to university abroad? I will die of a broken heart. 
• What outfits can I wear this week that will work with a potentially heavy period?
• Why did I wear wintry clothes to see Jack Johnson in Hyde Park in July 2008? I felt really stupid all day.
• Can I really reduce my lock-up days any more than I already have?
• I need to pick up the Coke can that has appeared on our driveway.
• Have I left any significant complaints or claims behind at any of the firms I’ve worked at in the past?
• Should we have a house extension? Am I a bad person for wanting one when our house is fine as it is? (I think a lot about the configuration of our imaginary extension.) 
• What about that lady who said to me that her firm was ‘dress down but, like, Reiss dress down’ and a young girl there hadn’t worked that out and eyebrows were being raised. (I think about this poor girl most days.)  
• How can I show my support for Pride month (in light of the current situation) without being on social media?
• If I’m not going to buy a fancy beach bag at an airport at my age, does this mean I’m never likely to do so? 
• How do people afford to go to David Lloyd?
• Is it actually possible to increase protein intake without also increasing your plastic use?
• Is my trainee going to leave on qualification? After all I’ve done?
• Do people really floss every day? More plastic. 
• If I died, no one would ever wash the towels.
• Why is everyone putting panelling on their walls?
• For nine months so far, DALC1’s science teacher has failed to give her class the good behaviour point per lesson that they are supposed to get for turning up on time with the right equipment. Three lessons a week means DALC1 will be 117 points down by the end of the year. Do I say something? DALC1 doesn’t want me to say something.  

Is it any wonder I’m perpetually exhausted? Of course, I’m also always thinking about clients and (particularly in the shower, actually) having a number of ‘lightbulb’ moments where I remember something I was supposed to action, or come up with a brilliant way to resolve a dispute. I think it is the white noise that helps. 

My husband’s thoughts in the shower are ‘put shampoo on hand, put hand to head, scrub’ etc. That is it. It must be wonderful. 

As far as this ball-juggling relates to work, we need to value it properly. It is NOT OK to say that Bob is an exceptional fee-earner so Brenda will have to do the compliance/training/supervision for the team – not if bonuses and pay rises are based on financial targets. I appreciate that it is hard to change something you’ve done for years, and for generations, men had more narrow, defined tasks than women. But it is 2026 and we need to encourage (whether with a carrot or stick) everyone to share the load.

Some facts and identities have been altered in the above article