Bridget Jones' diary - the legal version

The only surprise is that it has taken so long for a spoof legal Bridget Jones to come to Obiter's attention; this one has been doing the rounds and the response is that it is scarily accurate.

It begins: 'Hours spent at work: 14.2 (v.good); billable hours: 5.7 (v.bad); minutes spent staring out window: 97 (needs improvement); minutes spent mentally reliving conversations and imagining what I should have said instead of what I did say: 46 (excellent); no.

of times let ringing phone go to voice mail: 2 (v.bad, College of Law lecturer said this was sign of professional incompetence, but calls were from mother, so okay).'It goes on to inch through Bridget's day and plans to finish an opinion letter which is already two weeks late.

At 8am, she was feeling confident: 'Two weeks is not very long.

Anyway, opinion has been researched.

Mostly researched.

Must simply look up a few more cases, put thoughts in writing.

Very easy.

Will be finished by 10.30am.'By midday, she has still not decided whether to address the client by their first name on the letter, while by 10pm, she declares: 'Will not, under any circumstances, leave work until opinion letter is beautiful, finished product.'An hour later, Bridget reports that it is almost done.

'Have written succinct introductory paragraph and set out convenient headings.

Must just insert actual opinion.

Could work until 2am to get it done.

Much better, though, to arrive early next morning, when mind will be fresh and rejuvenated.

In fact, going home is in client's best interests, as surely I will work more efficiently tomorrow.'Presumably, this was not written by a City lawyer; leaving at 11pm is for wimps, after all.