Sleepless in Amsterdam

AU NATURELIt was a stroke of genius.

Let loose a bunch of lawyers in Amsterdam and see what happens.

Released from the shackles of their desks, it would be only a matter of time before some 'strayed' into a coffee shop or the red light district.

It was almost prophetic, therefore, that on the first day of business, International Bar Association (IBA) organisers glanced out of windows of the enormous conference centre in Europaplein to spot a naturist enjoying the late September sunshine.

Hey, you might think, that's nothing unusual; after all the Dutch are known for their liberal attitude.

But on closer inspection, it became apparent that this was no innocent nudist, but a glamour model posing for photographs which would, no doubt, grace the kind of magazines that no self-respecting lawyer would want to be associated with.

Thankfully, she did not return later in the week when who knows what kind of havoc may have been wreaked.

ABSENT-MINDEDTo the Law Society's enjoyable reception aboard the VOC Vessel - a kind of Dutch HMS Victory - where Obiter was entertained even more by the rare sight of a barrister lost for words.

It came as the barrister regaled a group including a senior representative of the American Bar Association (ABA) with anecdotes about her battles at official level with the ABA man and his absent colleague.

They were a real good cop/bad cop combination, she elaborated, going on to explain in detail what a Rottweiler the missing ABA man was.

'So where is he?' she demanded of the good cop as she finally paused for breath.

'Oh, didn't you hear that he died last year?' he replied solemnly.

After a few moments gulping like of goldfish, the barrister changed tack with admirable smoothness and began recalling fondly her former adversary's many, suddenly discovered qualities.

CLOWNING ABOUTAs usual at IBA conferences, the reception battle was waged long and hard: Allen & Overy's exclusive black tie event was enlivened by opera singers with tactile hands; Andersen Legal's party had the unexpected sight of waitresses standing inside large oval tables which they then picked up and glided around the room on wheels, dropping cheese in their wake; while the no-expense-spared opening party in Museumplein, sponsored by all the top firms in the city, including several English firms in a rare show of co-operation, was a hugely impressive affair, offering free entrance to the Van Gogh museum and the Rijksmuseum among others.

One of the best was SJ Berwin's bash at the Theatre Museum, at the entrance to which was a silent clown who excitedly waved guests in and then cried on their departure.

'Just makes me think they're all a bunch of clowns,' said one mean-spirited European lawyer as he left.

THAT'S ENTERTAINMENTUndoubtedly the most eagerly anticipated event of the week was a walking tour of Amsterdam's famous red light district - or the commercial entertainment district, as the programme's delightful euphemism put it - organised under the respectable guise of examining the legal perspective of its development.

At 85, it was unsurprisingly one of the most expensive events put on during the conference, especially with the programme promising that it would end 'with dinner at a special restaurant'.

Could that be the famed Banana Bar, many wondered, where guests apparently snack on bananas located in, erm, unusual places? Sadly we will never know, since the tour was cancelled due to 'lack of interest', according to organisers, who included a very disappointed Diana Benjamin of London firm Kingsley Napley.

It of course begs the question: were the lawyers too shy to sign up or had they already undertaken their own private tours? To judge by the number of highly visible IBA bags spotted in the vicinity of the red lights during Obiter's own research, shyness was not a huge problem.

SERVING UP A SIZZLEREven though the practice rule on naming law firms was relaxed some time ago, few firms have taken creative advantage of the liberal regime.

If you are interested but short of inspiration, look no further than Atlanta, Georgia in the US.

Milton Keynes lawyer Trevor Coward told a session on niche firms that an IT practice in the city has renamed itself 'The Red Hot Law Group'.

Protests were made to the local Bar, because names have to include a partner name (a requirement dropped in England and Wales), so it became 'The Red Hot Law Group of Ashley', although the firm's Web site does not go big on the 'of Ashley' bit.

Clearly sensitive, the site (www.redhotlaw.com) explains the name as a matter of priority: 'Forgive us if our name seems irreverent but we believe without speed, a technology business has no business.' And the firm's tag-line? 'Red Hot Law - Where Technology Businesses Sizzle.'