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Here's a draft of the new form of opening.

"Our suspicions were aroused when it was reported that defendant, who is a legal aid solicitor in Manchester, owns a three bedroomed semi detached house in Salford. Investigations were commence and it was found that he has a seven year old Ford Focus., a greenhouse, and a caravan at Rhyl which he uses for holidays.

Plainly, this is a lifestyle far in excess of that which should be enjoyed by a legal aid solicitor, and thus, on the balance of probabilities he is up to something dodgy. Need I say more?"