Back in the days when I was articled (how long ago did that word become obsolete?), barristers did not mix socially with solicitors, writes James Morton. Taking their instructing solicitor out to dinner was known as ‘hugging the attorney’ and was, I believe, a disciplinary offence. Certainly, they did not mix with their clients. But over in Australia, things are much more relaxed. In England you might see a photograph on a barrister’s desk signed by crown prince Rudolph of Hentzau. Down Under, it is not uncommon to see a photograph of the barrister with his arm around a man known in the press for the purposes of the libel laws as ‘a colourful racing character’.

I never let my clients get too close to me. Here in Oz, familiarity can breed contempt, and there has been a splendid series of incidents which would raise eyebrows in snobby Pomland. In one of the most dramatic examples, a barrister who had been dining with a former biker client collapsed and died in his hotel room, an end sadly hastened by the visit of two young ladies and a quantity of what used to be called ‘Columbian marching powder’.

Then there are two young women lawyers who have found themselves in the papers for what we would see as all the wrong reasons. One was persuaded by the police to wear a wire when meeting with a client. Later, her car inexplicably self-combusted. She has refused to give evidence and declined to go into the witness protection scheme.

Another woman lawyer, who acquired a vast criminal practice after her principal handed in his practising certificate when he was charged with conspiracy to murder (eventually, no evidence was offered and he resumed his highly successful practice), was hopelessly involved with a major criminal. After he was shot dead, she tried to obtain an order to have his semen frozen in case she wished to become pregnant. Eventually, she applied to go into the witness programme. Her application was declined, and she was found to be in contempt of court when, terrified of the consequences, she refused to give evidence in the trial of the men accused of her lover’s murder. On a more positive note, her suspended practising certificate has been restored.

It is such good fun over here and we’re even winning the cricket. I may stay on.

James Morton is a writer and former criminal defence solicitor