For employment lawyers, the M&S Chief Compliments Officer creates a minefield

A major high street store is running a campaign this season based on dressing well and being complimented, with actress Gillian Anderson appointed CCO (Chief Compliments Officer). 

Personally, I’m a giver not a taker. I enjoy dishing out compliments (when merited), but in a truly British way, I often struggle to accept them. We are conditioned to be modest and self-deprecating.

But what about in the workplace? Compliments at work are a veritable minefield, and as an employment lawyer my instinct is to say, 'proceed with caution'.

Have you ever tried to say something nice to someone in the office and immediately worried you’ve said something dreadful? That foot-in-mouth moment. A simple 'you look nice today' can unleash the sort of panic usually caused by an unexpected 'can we have a catchup?’ email from HR.

On the other hand, have you ever received a 'love that dress on you!' comment from a colleague, and instead of invoking a happy glow, it made you feel a bit icky?

In employment law, innocent intent doesn’t override impact. In other words, you may think you’re being charming but the recipient may feel they’ve been ambushed by an unsolicited character reference on their physical appearance. And that’s enough to land an employer in potential trouble.

Workplace compliments fall generally into two camps:

1. Safe, sensible, HR‑approved remarks, like 'your presentation was crystal clear' or 'you handled that client like a Jedi'.
2. Personal comments about physical appearance or attributes, which is where the problems usually begin.

Appearance‑based compliments about someone’s body, outfit or hairstyle are in my view 'no bueno' because they can be read in multiple ways. They can feel personal, overly familiar or just plain intrusive. That doesn’t mean everyone reacts badly, but it does mean employers must assume someone might. Whereas compliments about professional competence are much less likely to be misinterpreted. And to be honest, it is the actual work someone does that should be the focus of their workplace experience, not whether Brian likes your shoes.

That brings me on to context. Compliments do not exist in a vacuum; they land within a network of cultural expectations, social conditioning, gender norms and power dynamics.

Let’s address the elephant in the meeting room: a male colleague telling a female colleague, 'you look lovely today,' is not the same as if it were two female colleagues chatting. That’s not about villainising men or assuming women can’t make others uncomfortable, it’s about historic societal imbalances, differing expectations and longstanding inequality of power between the sexes.

When men compliment women on their appearance, it is more likely to be perceived as:

• inappropriately personal rather than professional
• linked to sexual attractiveness rather than job competence
• potentially sexual in tone, even if unintentional

When women compliment women on their appearance, it tends to be interpreted as:

• socially normalised and perhaps even welcome
• rooted in 'sisterhood' and devoid of sexual connotations
• less entangled with power dynamics

None of this is absolute - anyone can cross a line, and anyone can feel uncomfortable, but context forms part of the backdrop that employment tribunals consider when deciding whether conduct was reasonable or harassing. NB I am referring to heterosexual colleagues here, and of course other sexualities create different dynamics in the same scenario.

What can employers do? I’m not a killjoy or a compliment-phobe, and employers don’t need to extinguish all warmth from the workplace, but they do need to set clear boundaries. I would suggest they:

• Provide interactive training on harassment, conduct and the law - if you wouldn’t put it in a reference, don’t say it in the lift.
• Encourage work‑related praise - say good things about productivity, creativity, hard work or innovation. Steer clear of comments about appearance.
• Create easy reporting channels to line managers and HR, and foster a culture of openness - employees shouldn’t have to decide whether a comment was 'bad enough' to mention, and most employers don’t hear about these until it has been going on for too long already.
• Respond proportionately and promptly - small everyday issues are easier to resolve than festering ones.

A simple rule for those who like to say nice things to colleagues but fear accidental awkwardness, or a grievance raised against them: if in doubt, rely on the 'Email Test' - would you feel comfortable putting this exact compliment in writing and sending it to their work inbox?

If typing it would make you squirm, or worse you suspect it could be sex-pest territory, then think of it as future evidence in an employment tribunal, and avoid, avoid, avoid. If you’d happily press 'send' and wouldn’t break out in a cold sweat if it were forwarded to HR, then you’re probably in safe territory. I hope. Unless you lack all sensible human judgment, and sadly I have seen many people in tribunals who seem to lack that.

A final word in praise of safer praise: workplace compliments aren’t completely doomed; they just need a little caution. They can strengthen teams, reinforce confidence and combat the British instinct to apologise for existing. BUT, keep them in the professional lane and away from anything that could be mistaken for a commentary on someone’s desirability.

If you focus on effort, skill, insight, and collaboration, then you might brighten someone’s day without drifting into the realm of unintended innuendo or unwelcome familiarity, because nothing kills a compliment faster than accidentally turning it into evidence.

Emma-Jane Taylor-Moran is an employment lawyer and founder of Rebel Law