Slave labour

Workers at Dechert will next week have the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get their own back on the partner/assistant/secretary/post boy who has been horrid to them.

The City firm is holding a slave auction with the aim of raising sponsorship money for a walk through the Pyrenees in the summer in the aid of the Hope Charity.

Obiter has seen the sale-and-purchase agreement, which provides no warranties as to 'the health, mental competence, personality, ability or predilection of the slave'.

Slaves will be at the mercy of their masters for 12 hours on 1 March, subject to it not interfering unduly with 'a slave's obligation to Dechert' (presumably an auctioned slave, rather than the way assistants are usually described).

The rules include masters not asking for 'any monetary favours, sexual favours or favours of an illegal nature'.

Permissible tasks include: sending an e-mail to the master explaining 'ten reasons why you are the best'; making drinks for the master; 'light administrative work'; and 'to be your friend when you have none'.

There is one get-out clause, however: slaves may buy their freedom, at the discretion of the auctioneer, by paying a release fee.