Shadow lord chancellor Lord Falconer of Thoroton had to work hard to win over his Corbynite comrades in his first speech to the Labour party conference in nine years.

Tony Blair’s old chum from the bar noted that: ‘Jeremy Corbyn has been criticised for appointing me. People say that we’re too alike. We’re both thin men, in our 60s, from Islington. Actually – and I know many of you will be surprised by this – there are a few matters on which we disagree.’ 

Glossing over the fact that the ‘few matters’ cover everything from Nato to nationalising utilities, Falconer assured delegates that ‘we share so much more’.