We’re not saying writing a Telegraph rant against the modern legal profession is easy, but there’s certainly a set formula.
Former home secretary Suella Braverman (pictured) ticked all the right boxes this week with her tirade against the snowflake lawyers watering down solicitor exams by insisting on them being inclusive. Next they’ll be putting ramps on the entrance to court buildings.
Braverman no doubt spent many hours poring over how to rail against how the profession is bowing down before the diversity mafia, but it turns out that these columns are not as hard as they look.
We asked ChatGPT for a 400-word piece in the style of an angry Telegraph columnist writing about the demise of the legal profession. It came up with:
‘Let’s be blunt. The decline is terminal. Pupillage interviews now resemble therapy sessions. “Tell us about a time you overcame adversity,” they coo. Adversity? I had a pupil once who couldn’t tell the difference between a trust and a toaster. But because they ticked all the right boxes on some bloated DEI form, they were handed a tenancy like it was a participation trophy.
‘The rot is everywhere. Court dress codes relaxed, standards eroded, deadlines extended “for wellbeing reasons” – whatever happened to the glorious terror of the red-inked supervisor and the clock-watching judge? Now junior lawyers complain about working past 6pm. I’ve had longer lunches!’
With some degree of self-reflection, the generated blog centred on the trainer-wearing ‘legal technologist’ who thought ChatGPT was a replacement for actual legal analysis.
‘This profession used to be about honour, excellence, and a terrifying attention to detail,’ continued the Telegraph wannabe. ‘Now? It’s about LinkedIn likes, diversity quotas, and whether your firm has a “green impact strategy.” Please. The only green thing we ever cared about was the felt on the bench and the money in the client account.’
Suella couldn’t have put it better herself.
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