Following on from the park baseball boys (1 August), I did defend other brothers who were a bit more venal. They lived near the old cinema in the Caledonian Road, which seemed to show endless Randolph Scott double bills. It was also conveniently near Pentonville Prison, from which another client, Ray ‘The Cat’ Jones, had escaped.
Jones was said to be the best or second-best ‘climber’ in London, depending upon who was telling the tale. He and a rival feuded well into old age as to which of them had stolen Sophia Loren’s jewels when she was filming The Millionairess at Elstree studios. To his dying day, The Cat was aggrieved the police never charged him.
Anyway, one night, with some cousins, these brothers repaired to a local Chinese restaurant. This was in the 1960s, when Chinese restaurants did not get a very good press, and they did not choose well.
On the menu was chicken soup. They all ordered it, took a spoonful and agreed it was deficient. ‘There’s no ****ing chicken in the ****ing chicken soup,’ said one, and all agreed. The way the conversation was going did not please a man at the next table. He had come down from Blackpool with his wife and her sister and did not understand the mores of the Caledonian Road.
‘Lads,’ he said, ‘watch your language; there’s ladies present.’ This did not go down well. ‘You see if there’s any ****ing chicken in the **** soup then,’ said one brother, emptying his bowl over the poor man. The others followed suit.
The police arrived to find my client re-enacting a Wagon Train defence, hiding behind overturned tables with the waiters circling them with kitchen knives. The next stop was Calley Nick; the one after that the Old Bailey; and then the cells, awaiting transport to start nine-month sentences.
I went to see them and, since I was much younger, rather sanctimoniously asked if they thought it had been worth it. ‘Mr M,’ said one of the brothers, ‘it was the best ****ing evening of our ****ing lives.’ And the others nodded their heads in unison.
James Morton is a writer and former criminal defence solicitor
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