Mother in law: Acting for friends

When I was a trainee I was so keen in everything I did. This included trying to drum up work for the firm. I was proud to be able to help friends and family, and proud that I was bringing their work to the firm. It took me years to work out that this was Not a Good Plan.

One of the first friends I acted for was Tom, a close friend of my then-boyfriend now-husband. He was buying a maisonette. I don’t know if it is a local thing but, contrary to what I was taught at primary school, 'maisonettes' in the area tended to be on one storey - basically a flat with its own front door. The (very small) outdoor space was carved up and, where necessary, rights of way were granted for the other owners. If we can put it this way, the Land Registry plan was pretty colourful. Having since been there for dinner, I can confirm it is all pretty obvious 'on the ground' but I spent 10 minutes with the plan out in our meeting room trying to convince him that the path leading up to his front door wasn’t going to be his. He assured me it was, and when I re-read the Land Registry entries I could see he was right.

In the 17 years between then and now I have probably seen Tom three times a year. Can you guess how many times he has mentioned how he 'wasn’t going to be able to walk to his front door?' That’s right, 51 times. And because I was so keen and eager to impress, every time he says it I feel useless again. Trust me, I’ve made bigger mistakes since then, but it is much easier when you don’t have to see the client ever again.

Then there are the times when it has just been miserable. Again, as a trainee, I acted for my (now) parents-in-law when they moved house. They were too polite to moan, but it simply took forever - as these things often do. I just couldn’t face seeing them the whole time it was going on, and I also did some rather heavy-handed chasing up and down the chain that I wouldn’t have done normally and am not proud of, because I wanted so much to get it done for them.

And - like all the best granddaughters - I unduly influenced my gran into changing her will to appoint me as her executor. It seemed to make sense and I couldn’t stand the thought of the solicitors she had appointed charging for the privilege. But I hated every moment of dealing with her estate, hated feeling like my close relatives were waiting on me for their money, and couldn’t stand the idea that I could make a small error that would be held against me forever.

There is a former colleague of mine, Diane, who I have used as a model for the type of solicitor I wanted to be, except in almost every way I wanted to do the opposite of what Diane would do. She wasn’t a bad solicitor but she was chaotic and (harking back to the Drama Triangle) such a bloody 'rescuer'. I remember an occasion when her friend was getting divorced, using fancy London solicitors, and Diane went along to a consultation for support, but she didn’t tell the solicitor she also practised in the area. She subsequently convinced the friend to transfer to our firm, criticising the London lawyers, and did that thing she would do of forgetting all her other clients and spending all her time trying to be her friend’s hero. No part of this is very good form.

Then there comes the issue of payment. Hopefully your firm has a clear policy in place, but I’ve often felt really stuck in the middle not knowing whether my friend expects a discount and whether my firm will allow it.

However, I feel really strongly that staff should be encouraged to be ambassadors of the firm, and should be rewarded for the referral. So what is the answer? I think it is actually quite simple. Lose the ego and refer the work to another member of your team. Your friend will then definitely expect to pay and won’t phone you on your personal mobile at the weekend. It doesn’t matter if you think you can do it better, your colleague will do it just fine. If no one else in the firm specialises in the same area of law, consider referring the matter outside of the firm in the hope the favour will be returned in the future.

*Some facts and identities have been altered in the above article