Mother in Law: Buckling up for the teenage years

Two weekends before the end of term, Deceptively Angelic Child no. 2 got her dolls out from under her bed and played with them for hours. Her school report, received that week, glowed, describing her as a 'highly motivated and enthusiastic learner'. She spent two nights in our bed because of 'bad dreams'. My sweet baby girl. 

One weekend before the end of term, everything changed. In no particular order:

1. Her friend was having a pool party and she NEEDED a bikini so she didn’t 'look like a baby'. This is the kid who has always had long sleeved swimming costumes because she 'doesn’t like people looking at her shoulders'.
2. Having spent 10 years a scrawny scrap of a thing, she seems to have developed thighs overnight. As an aside, I have been thinking a lot recently about how great it is that our children have role models with thighs visibly wider than their knees - from Taylor Swift to Lucy Bronze - unlike our generation who only had Heroin Chic to aspire to. Anyway, my little girl has thighs.
3. The dolls were Out. Along with their campervan, motorbike, car with working radio and hairdressing chair. All to go in the loft for, let’s face it, my grandchildren. All other toys had to be hidden away, with the exception of Jellycats, who (if you didn’t know) are having their TikTok moment.
4. In February of this year I described how utterly covered in mud she was after school. As of this weekend, she is openly describing her style as 'Preppy', which until now I had been led to believe was a Gen Alpha 'burn', not something to aspire to. For her last birthday she wanted a head-to-toe black leather outfit, and this year she wants an £80 Pink Palm Puff hoodie. If you don’t know what that is, go to Cornwall and look for a preteen girl. They will be wearing one, with cut off jeans and beachy hair. My weird kid is gone. She doesn’t even go to sleep to the Imperial March anymore.
5. She had her first phone-related friendship drama. In fact, it was her first ever friendship drama. She was sobbing and demanding I tell her what to do, because she told Ivy a secret about Lily and Ivy told Ben and Ben told Lily that he knew. It was like the world had ended and I sat with her and guided her through the tense Whatsapp messages that followed using all my best mediation skills.
6. As if this wasn’t all enough in one weekend, I’ve saved the best for last. DALC2 has a boyfriend. My husband is now carrying around a brown paper bag, to breathe into, at all times. We don’t know that much about him; he’s mostly flown under our radar to date. He did scam her in Year 2, when she gave him a shiny Messi football sticker on the understanding he would give her a gold Ronaldo, but the gold Ronaldo never came. And if he thinks we are going to forget that, now or ever, he’s mistaken. I don’t know if this makes it worse or better, but they aren’t like those 'couples' at primary school who never speak to each other - they are planning activities for the summer holidays and he messages her every day to see how she is. He’s even asked her what her favourite chocolate is so we are waiting on a delivery any time now, and hoping there’s enough for all of us.

So, yeah, this is all new. Because DALC1 was born a teenager, her whole life has been like this weekend with DALC2 - wanting to be grown up, style crises, friendship dramas and all that. Having it all happen in one go, with our baby, is a bit much. We thought parenting had been a rollercoaster so far but now we are buckling up for what’s to come. Wish us luck.

Some facts and identities have been altered in the above article