Mother in Law: What is it that I actually enjoy doing?

Less than a month after my recent holiday, I am in crisis. I read an innocuous comment online about how most adults’ lives are not centred around things they enjoy doing, and it resonated a bit too much. 

You see, I’ve always been aware of the opportunities available to me. A ‘cool’ boy in my class at school, who was secretly a bit of a thinker, told me that I was lucky because I could do anything with my life. I’ve never forgotten it. What did he mean? 

He certainly meant I was clever and exam results wouldn’t be a barrier. He probably also saw that my background meant I would be supported in my endeavours. Maybe he had been told he couldn’t afford to go to university; I don’t know. But I took it to heart and have tried to be ready to embrace every opportunity. In the words of Dr Seuss, I have brains in my head and feet in my shoes, and I can steer myself in any direction I choose.

Right now, and I promise this is no exaggeration, there is washing in the washing machine, washing in the dryer, washing on the two clothes airers, clean washing folded (and I use ‘folded’ loosely) stacked high in the utility room, clean washing on the ironing board waiting to be ironed, dirty washing on the bathroom floor, and in each bedroom there is a pile of clean washing that originated in a basket but has all been pulled out this morning, all over the floor, by the people I live with as they have tried to find the clothes they actually need to put on. 

A good 30% of the floor space in my house is covered in clothes. I can’t put any washing away because I am desperate to start work. I lost a lot of chargeable time last week representing my firm at various events, and my figures will look terrible even though I know the networking was important. Even time recording leads to a guilty paradox. If you do things more slowly, your figures will look good, but your clients will be unhappy. It turns out my feet in my shoes steered me to a big, never-ending hill. Each day I never quite get as far up it as I expect. Some days, I go backwards.

If you ask me what I enjoy doing, I’d find it very hard to say. I like ‘resetting’ (as my kids say) a room so it looks nice when I leave it. I like kitchen worktops being clear. I like weeding a whole flowerbed. In other words, and this is the real crisis, I have reached the point where the things I ‘enjoy’ are chores. I also get immense pleasure from watching my kids do something they enjoy and facilitating that enjoyment, but I am not sure that is the same as doing something I enjoy. The limited time I get to do my own thing is spent exercising, which I would always prefer not to be doing. 

I’ve been trying to think about what I enjoyed doing before kids. God, I wasted so much time. How annoying. I remember it used to be an achievement if I got out of the house on a Sunday in time to listen to the end of Steve Wright’s Sunday love songs in the car. It finished at 11am. Pathetic.

I’m not saying all this for sympathy; I

just hope that someone else reads this, feels the same, and realises it is not just them. And my plan? I am going to consciously notice what I actually like doing, and do more of it. I’m even going to try to do this at work. More importantly, I am going to try to do it without feeling guilty. Watch this space.